우리나라는 AI 산업에서는 후발주자가 아닌가 싶습니다. 여러 이유가 있겠죠.
전 정권에서 제대로 투자도 안했고, 우수한 인재들은 모두 의대로 달려 가고 있는 실정이기도 하고.
저는 문과 전공이지만 앞으로의 삶에서 AI는 필수재라는 것은 잘 알고 있고 효율적으로 AI를 잘 활용하는 자가 미래를 잘 대비할 것이란 것도 압니다. 이런 상황에서 처음으로 AI EXPO를 개최했다는 신문 기사를 읽었습니다.
Nvidia, Microsoft showcase latest industrial AI solutions at Seoul exhibition - The Korea Times
Nvidia, Microsoft and other global tech giants showcased their cutting-edge artificial intelligence (AI) solutions for industrial application at an...
www.koreatimes.co.kr
Summary and Drafts
I read a news report that the inaugural AI expo, hosted by the ministy of Trade, Industry, Engery took place at COEX Center from Sep 3 to Sep 5. Lots of famous business including domestic tech giants LG CNS, HD Hyundai as well as Microsoft, Nvia at this three-day run exhibition.
Im usually interested with AI technolgy, so googled to search for futher informations.
I found a relevant website : https://industrialaiexpo.or.kr/main.asp
The showcase offers AI tech seminar. But I was dismissed to find the booking has already been finished.
Refering to the press resources, the ministy plants to invest 13.9 trillion won as budget next year, aiming to expand AX, fostering cutting-edge industries, transit to recying engergy, address trade matters, strengthen supply chains blah blah blah. I know 13.9 trillion won is huge money but we have been disappointed too many times by the governments bad performance. I wish it will not discourage us.
교정(Polished Version) by Chat gpt
I read a news report that the inaugural AI Expo, hosted by the Ministry of Trade, Industry and Energy, took place at the COEX Center from September 3 to 5.
Many famous businesses, including domestic tech giants LG CNS and HD Hyundai, as well as Microsoft and Nvidia, participated in this three-day exhibition.
Since I am usually interested in AI technology, I searched online for further information and found a relevant website: https://industrialaiexpo.or.kr/main.asp.
The showcase also offered AI tech seminars, but I was disappointed to find that the booking had already closed.
According to press sources, the Ministry plans to invest 13.9 trillion won in next year’s budget, aiming to expand AI, foster cutting-edge industries, transition to renewable energy, address trade issues, and strengthen supply chains.
I know 13.9 trillion won is a huge amount of money, but we have often been let down by the government’s poor performance in the past. I sincerely hope this time will be different and that it will not discourage us.
주요 수정 포인트
- 오타 및 철자
- Engery → Energy
- Nvia → Nvidia
- futher informations → further information (information은 불가산명사)
- recying engergy → renewable energy (보다 정확한 표현)
- 문법/전치사
- interested with → interested in
- dismissed to find → disappointed to find
- 자연스러운 영어 표현
- lots of famous business → many famous businesses / companies
- at this three-day run exhibition → in this three-day exhibition
- blah blah blah → (생략하지 말고) address trade issues, strengthen supply chains
- 논평 톤 다듬기
- 마지막 부분을 좀 더 품위 있게: “I wish it will not discourage us” → “I sincerely hope this time will be different and that it will not discourage us.”
💡 코멘트
- 글의 구조는 좋습니다. 행사 소개 → 개인 경험 → 정부 투자 계획 → 개인 의견 흐름이 분명해요.
- 영어 학습용으로는 지금처럼 실제 기사와 자료를 보고, 자기 생각을 덧붙이는 방식이 최고입니다.
- 조금 더 발전시키고 싶다면, 마지막에 정책에 대한 개인적 제안이나 AI 산업에 대한 기대를 덧붙이면 글이 더 설득력 있게 마무리돼요.
구글 제미나이와 챗gpt의 첨삭은 좀 다르네요. 제미나이는 좀 더 상세히 알려주는 편이고, 챗gpt는 상세한 설명은 좀 부족하지만 좀 더 글이 자연스럽고 품위가 있어 보인다는 생각이 들었습니다.
